Photo: Pussy Riot, a Russian performance-art protest-punk group, are widely acknowledged as an important precursor to the Militant Matriarchal Front. Their influence extends to costuming, as shown in this early appearance by Pussy Riot at Red Square in Moscow in 2012.
Credit: Denis Bochkarev/Wikimedia

“Oh, Honey” – the MMF Illustration: Crystal Yung

by Tim Kitz

Security forces continue to prove themselves powerless to halt the Militant Matriarchal Front (MMF). Coordinated guerilla attacks by the MMF — where they dispense headpats and platitudes punctuated by “Oh, honey” to male executives and politicians — continue unabated.

Autonomous cells of this extremely safe terrorist group seem to be springing up everywhere. Experts fear that MMF operatives may infiltrating and corrupting basic civil institutions — and warn that if this keeps up, men may have to start performing their own emotional labour. 

Billy Sturrock, the male Commissioner of the RCMP, called a press conference to rant wildly about “sympathizers and collaborators” within RCMP ranks, who he claimed were sabotaging the efforts of male officers to reign in the MMF. Fortunately Sturrock, who was dressed in a fetching blue serge suit, was put in his place by a reporter who explained he was being “emotional” and “letting past trauma make him paranoid.”

“Yeah, not all women,” another reporter chimed in, to a chorus of nods and sober applause. Sturrock was visibly flustered by this response and the lack of solidarity from the token male reporters in the room. 

A third reporter helped Sturrock transition to safer topics by asking how he managed to balance a high-pressure, full-time job with fatherhood. He had to explain that his wife was “extremely supportive” and “approved” of him working outside the home.

A few hours later, Child Protection Services announced an investigation of the commissioner’s family. “We just want to make sure those kids are ok,” a spokesperson explained, “and getting everything they need.”

Correction and Editor’s Note: Accusations have surfaced on social media that the reporters and CPS spokesperson quoted in this story — and indeed, the very author of this story — were all covert agents of the Militant Matriarchal Front trolling gullible men. Until these accusations are definitely proven, The Levellers editorial team have decided to preserve this article as is, with this note to provide context. We believe that in time the marketplace of ideas will bring the truth to the surface.

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