Venus Envy Advisory: The Quest for the G-Spot

Hey Venus Envy,

“The G-spot! Despite its almost mythical status in our culture and my experience as a heterosexual guy finding or being told stimulating a particular spot on a lover feels extra-good, I still don’t know much about it. (Wikipedia tells me scientists can’t even agree that it exists!)

Can you offer any tips on how best to find and take advantage of this very special, possibly-there erogenous zone?”

Thanks,
Searching for Points Of Touch

Hey SPOT,

Before I was a sex educator, I also had my doubts about the g-spot. I had read about it in Cosmo, but they made it seem like a magical, mythical thing that could only be found by looking into a mirror, turning in circles, and saying “G-spot” three times out loud.

So I chalked it up to some ridiculous Cosmo sex tip, right up there with surprising a lover by running a small, smooth stone over their anus during an outdoor blowjob – an actual Cosmo sex tip that, in case you’re wondering, is a very bad idea.

I think a lot of the disconnect stems from the fact that most g-spot deniers can’t imagine how the urethral sponge would provide sexual gratification. But then again, the medical field has always lacked a certain amount of imagination when it comes to sex and pleasure!

And then one day, I went to a sex-positive workshop where I learned all about how to find and stimulate the g-spot. I was amazed – there it was, this whole area of my body that could give pleasure and that had been there all along. But I was also pissed off, because believing that it was a myth had denied me so much useful knowledge about my own body.

What I’ve since learned is this: what we call the g-spot is known to science as the urethral sponge. This is an identifiable, verifiable area of spongy erectile tissue that surrounds the urethra. When someone is aroused, the g-spot swells and becomes an area of potential pleasure.

That tissue is also full of glands that fill with fluid during arousal, and for some people that fluid shoots out the urethra at some time during sex – an act we often call “squirting.”

I think a lot of the disconnect stems from the fact that most g-spot deniers can’t imagine how the urethral sponge would provide sexual gratification. But then again, the medical field has always lacked a certain amount of imagination when it comes to sex and pleasure!

You’ll find a partner’s g-spot on the front wall of the vagina, toward the belly, between 1 and 3 inches in. While the rest of the vaginal canal is smooth, the g-spot feels ridged, sort of like a squishy walnut.

Typical in-and-out penetration tends to go too deep and miss the g-spot altogether, which is one reason a lot of people don’t know about it. So your best bet to find a partner’s g-spot is by using a lube-y finger or two. G-spots tend to like pressure, so once you’ve found it, try stroking it with your fingers curling toward your partner’s belly, as if beckoning someone to you.

What someone feels from the g-spot can vary widely. If a partner finds it painful or uncomfortable, it might be that she’s not sufficiently turned on, so that the g-spot’s not sufficiently swollen. If so, that’s an easily solved issue – just take an oral sex intermission and go back to the g-spot later!

It’s also common for people to feel like they need to pee when someone first hits their g-spot. Though it’s very difficult to pee when turned on, you should reassure your partner that it’s no big deal if that should happen accidentally. It probably won’t, but when someone knows they won’t be shamed for their body’s reaction to pleasure, it goes a long way in helping them relax into the sensations.

All that being said, here’s the part that really is a myth: that the g-spot is a magic orgasm button. Like every other sex act, some people will love g-spot play, some people will hate it, and lots of people will fall somewhere in the middle. I’d encourage you to embrace it as just one pleasurable option among many.

For more information on g-spot play and squirting, I would recommend Deborah Sundahl’s excellent book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. Happy exploring!