Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)
Aquarius, do you ever feel like a work in progress – without the progress? Do you ever wish someone had written an owner’s manual for your body? Do you spend days making ‘to-do’ lists, but never quite get to the ‘do’ part?
Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)
Hope can triumph over experience, Pisces.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
30% of statistics are made up, Aries. Ok, I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that more than half of those surveyed side with the majority.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, did you notice how, after Obama, Canadians elected their own handsome “hope-y change-y” leader? Well now Ontario has its own right-wing, crypto-fascist buffoon. Are we anything more than a nation of pale copycats? And speaking of pale, did you catch how polite Ottawa adroitly dodged multiple chances to elect its first black councillor this past month? Democracy!
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Gemini, I’m thinking of starting a clandestine insurgent rebel clown army. Will you join me?
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Please come home, Cancer, so I can go to sleep.
Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)
What is the opposite of loneliness, Leo? I’ve got that song by Thee Silver Mt. Zion Memorial Orchestra & Tra-La-La Band stuck in my head – you know, the one that goes “When the world is sick / Can’t no one be well? / But I dreamt we was all beautiful and strong.”
I’ll take off my skin, Leo, will you take off yours? It’s like Charles Eisenstein said, you know, “We won’t have community until we need each other.”
Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)
If tweet is the verb and Twitter is the object, Virgo, then is twit the subject?
Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)
Libra, a friend once told me, “Words are useful if they can take you to the point at which words are no longer necessary.”
Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)
This month I’m calling on you to commit senseless acts of beauty, Scorpio. Just because something is useless doesn’t mean it isn’t important.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)
Motivational speakers and self-help authors will tell you that the only thing standing in the way of you living a happy and successful life is… you. Those people are lying to you, Sagittarius. (Stop blaming yourself).
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Capricorn, you know how your idealism keeps tempting you into thinking you’re doing something subversive – but then that subversive thing can’t escape the logic and alienation of capitalism? No? It’s just me, huh?
Better luck next month, I guess.