By Dadical
In the October/November issue of the Leveller, Parenting from Below initiated a five-part series on diapering with “Disposable Diaper Culture.” The previous installment examined the theory of Elimination Communication – a relationship fostered to aid in baby’s natural elimination of waste. Part four will examine its practice.
I really dig the language and feelings surrounding the Elimination Communication (EC) literature and enjoy reading about success stories. However, I have a slightly cruder method of thinking about the process.
If you break it down to really interpret how the trajectory of conventional potty training works in Western societies, it is basically teaching your baby that they should be peeing and pooping in their clothes for the first two years of their life (during the same time the brain undergoes some intense development and growth). And then on some magical date (certainly not before 18 months warn the diaper dealers), you completely change methods and tell your infant, “No, now you stop pooping and peeing in your clothes and use this pot instead.”
It must be confusing and stressful for the child. If babies are taught to ignore their bodily functional sensations, how can they expect to suddenly become aware and change these ingrained behaviours? In the end, starting early is bound to save significant efforts and unpleasantries for both parents and children.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to imply that it’s in any way easy. Certain conditions must be in place in order to optimize success, above all job security to ensure that a parent can stay home with the baby in those crucial early months (stay tuned next issue for more on the privilege and politics surrounding EC). It takes time, effort, presence, and patience to nurture a relationship rather than manage an inconvenience.
So how is it done?
Elimination Communication is all about cues, intuition, and timing – in sum, mutual responsiveness.
Some of the cues parents can give to their babies include holding her in a reclining/squat position over a sink or receptacle (I prefer bathroom sink with mirror for eye contact and aiming purposes), bearing down (flexing the core stomach muscles against baby’s back while in the squat/reclining position),and grunting (for caca) or hissing (for pipi). Cues from baby can involve squirming, grunting, crying out, a slight tummy growl, or simply a facial expression (like staring off into the horizon as if on acid).
Intuition is typically Mom’s game in our situation, and from my observations predominantly happens surrounding breastfeeding. Our baby would often signal to relieve herself not long after nursing, usually with a slight cue of arching the back. This of course is also linked to timing, an area perhaps better suited for the non-breastfeeding parent’s participation if lacking some of that intuition.
Timing will depend on the baby but is also infused with basic logic (and some guesswork). Most of us (I assume) have to relieve ourselves after waking up. In our situation, a pipi typically follows a nap wake-up, while an intense pipi and caca explosion (make sure you got your aiming down or have a rag ready for clean-up) typically follows a morning wake-up. Keep in mind their schedule will fluctuate over time. Occasionally, your baby will poop during the night. If the baby awakes and stirs a bit, pay attention. If you hear a little fart, a caca will likely follow.
While attempts to master the cues, intuition and timing surrounding EC can seem overwhelming, keep in mind that it will get much easier over time. As baby becomes toddler, development and growth are exponential. It is amazing to watch little tiny humans retrieve their special toilet seat and bench and relieve themselves without assistance.
The effort is worth it! Not just because you have much less work to do by avoiding the whole potty-training thing later on, but you also develop patience and communication skills with your baby while you grow and learn together.
The next issue of the Leveller will feature the final portion of this five-part series and will look at the personal politics of child-rearing.
This article first appeared in the Leveller Vol. 8 No. 5 (Feb/March 2016).
